UA-114812973-16 Well Rounded: Thoughts of an Expecting Mother at 34 Weeks

Thoughts of an Expecting Mother at 34 Weeks

Pregnancy picture at 34 weeks
The title tells it all. Because what expecting mother doesn't spend too much time thinking about the future, especially if it is their first baby. I think a lot about life, this little guy, and how things are going to change. So here are so of my thoughts unfiltered that I hope someday Little Marty (not his name, just a nickname) will get to read:

1. More often then not I try to imagine your cute little face. I wonder if you're going to be a full smiles little guy or if you're going to have a little smirk that looks like you're up to no good like your dad. I wonder if you'll have my dark blue eyes or your dad's light blue eyes. My crazy insane hair or your dad's perfect straight locks.

2. I think about how I'll handle being your mom. You deserve the best and I get nervous sometimes that I won't be able to give that to you know matter how badly I want to. Will you get all the love you deserve? The sleep and food you need? The best education? I think I have a million more questions flying through my brain.

3. I hope Blake and I can show you how much we love you. You aren't even born yet but I already have a love for you I didn't know was possible (shoot I'm tearing up just writing this #pregnancyhormones). Your dad lights up in a way I've never seen when he feels you move in my belly. We love you more than we know what to do with, but I worry sometimes I won't be the best at showing you that. I know your dad will, he has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. Just give me a chance and I'll love you the best I can. 

4. I think about you as a toddler, kid, and teenager way too often. I hope that I will always be your best friend and cool mom even though I still have to be your parent. I imagine you as a little toddler and the adventures you and I will have while dad is at work or school. I hope you'll love being my sidekick as much as I'll love being yours. That you'll think I'm as funny as your dad, as cool as your friend's mom, or as loving as grandma. 

5. I think about when I do have to start teaching you and molding you into a great young man. I hope that if or when I have to discipline you or guide you, that you'll know I do what I do because I love you, not because I like being right or in charge. I just want you to be the best you can be.

6. Be patient with me as I learn with you. Your siblings will have the advantage that I'll have done this whole parenting thing before with you, but you are the first and the guinea pig. We love you just as much as we will love your siblings, but with you, we are learning right along with you. Being exhausted is going to be new to me, taking care of another tiny human being is going to be new to me, and being responsible for someone else will be new to me. So be patient with me when I'm learning how to help you live your best life. 

7. Finally, thank you for making me a mother. There was a time in my life I figured I'd eventually become a mother but I wasn't in a hurry. But that changed and for years it was all I wanted (after a wonderful husband of course). But I had to wait for a few extra years and it was hard. It was hard to see my friends have babies, and then see those babies grow into kids. I searched and searched for my purpose in life since it wasn't my time to become a mom yet. But then you happened, and I'll never forget the feeling I had when I found out you were coming into my life. I knew I loved you more than you'd ever know and I knew I'd found my purpose. 

We love you, Little Marty. I look forward to the life we will have together to prove it. 

1 comment:

  1. WOW This is such an amazing post. I think it grand to post one for each of your babies and see how they differ and change with each, like your fears, love and excitement for your future with them. Love you and hope I can continue to be there for you. I feel I have not as much as I could have with all that has gone on for me, but know one thing I have been able to do perfectly is pray and pay my tithing specifically to receive these blessings for you and for Anjuli. We have never prayed this hard and long, for we have realized the lives that have hung in the balance and the blessings that have resulted. You are still my baby girl and will always hold that place in mine and your fathers heart. He loves you too so much and wants the best blessings for you and for Blake!


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